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Statement concerning events at Glowbeam Technologies


1 min read

All of Cloudflare's staff were shocked at the events depicted in NCIS Season 16 Episode 1 where incorrect use of random numbers for encryption resulted in the insertion of multiple trojan horses that brought a nuclear reactor within seconds of a meltdown.

Although Cloudflare has long been a competitor of the company responsible, Glowbeam Technologies, and uses similar random number generation technology, we would like to emphasize that there are significant differences between the two companies.

Firstly, Cloudflare's Lava Lamps are not an "encryption engine" and thus they are not susceptible to tampering by the janitor.

Secondly, all Cloudflare staff undergo extensive background checks.

Thirdly, we were shocked that Glowbeam Technologies' wall of Lava Lamps was a single point of failure. In contrast, Cloudflare uses multiple sources of randomness.

Lastly, Glowbeam Technologies' CEO confirmed that the company did not use "AES" or "key block ciphers", but instead relied solely on their Lava Lamp "encryption engine". Cloudflare strongly advocates for never writing or inventing encryption algorithms and works closely with groups like the IETF to use standard, well understood encryption.

As a result of these events Cloudflare has acquired the assets of Glowbeam Technologies, please visit for more information.

John Graham-Cumming
Chief Technology Officer
Cloudflare, Inc.

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